Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
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