i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
i think i scared a bird with my dick
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
