do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
i dont even know how to be here
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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