I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
