i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
