At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
