Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
