At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
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