I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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