hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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