was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
When did angry sex become our thing?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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