she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
