I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
