Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
