What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
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