id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
