I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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