i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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