Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
