You just made me feel so damn special
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
