It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Randomize
