you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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