waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
