Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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