is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
