I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
