i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
