apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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