he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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