i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
