You made me cry and you don't even care
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
