dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
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