I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
