She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
