That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
It's official drugs can't kill me
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
