the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
