***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize
