So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
