Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
