so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Randomize
