He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
