i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
