you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I need moral support for this bender
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
