Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
