video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
