I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
