I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize