By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
