Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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