All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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