i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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