oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
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