I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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