Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
