why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
