Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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