When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize
