went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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