I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
