I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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