my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
