You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
