pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
