I wannas sexs uuuuu
too bad you live with your parents still
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize