My liver just broke up with me...
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
