oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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