my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
