i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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