Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Randomize
