I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize