Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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