The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize